Friday, 26 June 2009

• My Family...raw uncut feelings and realizations..

  My family on my mother's side...I love them I do but they are fake as hell. Like it don't get no faker. Let's analyze the people.

  
  

  Grandfather- The most hypocritical human being i've come to know. Professed Christian with grudges the size of Noah's arc. A man of few friends that he even deems as friends. His life revolves around church, work and home. Anything beyond that is unchristian like. He's a bitter person who only accepts those that appear to be good and his rigid process of accepting others usually turns them away from him hence his lack of friends. Very judgemental and racist, yes I said racist. Its almost as if he must kiss the ass of the majority who rule the financial market, hence he thinks blacks are lazy and always want the easy way out. (HE is BLACK, but he doesn't consider himself to be black which i don't understand). He considers every profession outside of the medical and law enforcement field as an easy way out and that the demand for you as a person would be lacking if you didn't become a doctor or lawyer. He brags about others who become successful in our family and then compare us to each other as if we all have the same issues at hand which is never the case. He ruled his children with an iron fist but favored one which is my mother and from that a great envy developed from all the children...I'll go into detail with that in a few minutes. This man even though he means well, his character is not developed. His state of being is just a burden to those he is around because he is not thoughtful of the words to proceed from his lips, he just says them without second thought hence he is avoided by my sister and myself to a certain extent.

  
  

  
  

  Grandmother- She is a very emotional woman, who believes in God and has a valued relationship with Him. Any little thing that harms my grandfather emotionally that he can't express himself, she starts to cry and starts to get sick and we have to live with some sort of guilt which half the time is not that serious to begin with. She is a smart and educated woman who is capable of shutting up my grandfather but half the time she just agrees with i'm and coaxes him when he needs a supposed cheerleader. I respect her more than half the people i deal with in this family due to the fact that she thinks rationally because she uses God as her guideline for living and dealing with people. But don't get me wrong she has her moments where she's just as overbearing as my grandfather. Also she is avoided by my sister and myself to a certain extent.

  
  

  Mom- The rebellious one of the four sisters. Who has lived life to the extent far beyond the others and is now living out the mistakes she made and blames herself for her actions of her past that now reflect upon her children. She has a general anxiety disorder, she has obsessive compulsive disorder, she's anal about anything and everything hence she becomes irrational about what she says and thinks. She puts up a front in front of people to be this cool mom but she's far from this because she won't let my sister and myself live life accordingly because she's still ruled under the thumb of her father. Ever since I was born she's been dependant on her father (my grandfather) because my dad decided to up and leave and be no longer a man. So she feels like she's in debt to him and owes my grandfather her life and the sake of her children's lives. So she blames herself and holds these grudges that hinder her from living life and loving again and who is simply to blame no one but herself. Hence my grandfather let her back in...if it were any of the other sisters it would be another story.

  
  

  Auntie Ruthie- A church going, devout Christian woman who is still afraid of her father. Brainwashed with the unruly thoughts of how a relationship with God should be she's still ruled under thumb via her husband. She's practically living out the life of my grandmother, sad but true. A cheerleader who is too submissive to the will of her husband.

  
  

  Auntie Kathy- Also a church going, devout Christian woman who let the ways of family situations mold and shaper her morals and values. She married and found out the truth of marriage the hard way, her husband cheated on her and the advice of her mother (my grandmother) was what did you do? Ever since then she's been bitter and has been watching her back in a marriage that clearly was in the midst of destruction because she has the hardheaded mentality of her father with a twist of emotion.

  
  

  Auntie Marjory- the Youngest of the bunch who rejected the ideas of such living by taking her liberty with working and making ways for herself to have fun and live life . As a result of lack of instruction, she suffers because her husband and her kids rely on her solely for everything and anything and she gives in quickly she inherited my grandmothers heart and is just as emotional over the little things.

  
  

  My Sister- My mother reincarnated, only more emotional and more verbal and willing to fight. She is depressed and is very much living the life my mother once lived but in a watered down version of it. My mother is punishing her with all these limitations and yet my sister cannot see what lies ahead, but what my mother fails to realize is my sister is quite capable of thinking for herself in crucial times. Only thing my sister lets her friends dominate her life and thats her downfall of self, she looks for love in all the wrong places and looks for comfort in all the wrong areas hence her search is far beyond what she's ready for.

  
  

  My Father: He is an educated bullshitter. He has his degree and is highly capable of applying himself anywhere but he's scared of committing to anything hence he bullshits with the littlest of things: plans, words, decisions. He plays devil's advocate and tries to play both sides of the fence with life. He only shows up for the good times in his children's lives. He doesn't know true love because he doesn't love himself hence his commitment to things are few.

  
  

  My feelings and realizations: My family on my mother's side are fake. You cannot be Christian if you cannot forgive and forget with sincerity. You cannot be real if you cannot make realistic decisions and rational ones at that. You haven't lived life until you've let go completely of what ever burdens your heart and keeps hold of your spirit. Your children are just living from the fruit of your lips and if they are negativity, then what the hell do you expect when comparisons fly about and praises and hatred flows from your mouth? You reap those words into life and sew them into existance and you wonder why your health is the way it is...because you speak shit into existance and fear the outcome you yourself spoke....F*(& you worrying for now?? SMH. You are so scared of a person who is finite just like yourself yet y'all never built a backbone for yourself because independence is what you found through your husbands and we see what good they are doing y'all. Man up because God carried your cross a long time ago, so why the hell are y'all holding unto air for? Holding on to promises, holding on to false loves, holding on to fear for whatttt??? See I cannot be upset anymore because y'all let it get this bad. Y'all made it this difficult for yourself...because you became submissive to the point you never got back up. God speaks in His word that you should be submissive but He still wants you to be independent and know who you are and decipher right from wrong...Only God can truly change y'all if only y'all let GOOOO!!! God didn't go on that cross for nothing especially for something as petty as miscommunication and lack of true unconditional love.

  
  

  BRIII 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  • 9:24 PM
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